i thought the day would never come. the day when he; the one i loved very much, would move on with another girl. he pretended he loved me for so long; never did much for me, and used me. i cared for him and gave him my all. for what? all he did was play and leave me. he was in my life for 4 years, including my high school years, we practically grew up together through hard times. we broke up, and he arrived 6 months ago and pleaded for me to take him back, idiotically, i did. i thought i could give it another try, maybe this time he would change. but 2 months later, he leaves me again, with no answers, nothing left, with an empty hole in my chest and a fucked up brain. he messed me up emotionally, and physically. he is a piece of shit, and although i want to hate him, i cant. it is so hard. that is what he deserves, but my kind heart that still loves him and cares for him very much cant allow that. all i can do is wish him good; for my Lord Jesus will handle the rest.
the days go by slowly, and painfully. it is not healthy, and not fun. i 'm sad most of the days, and have no energy. my heart was broken into little pieces, i wish his was too. i wish i would have been the big one in the relationship, the one who does the bad ,and yet gets away with it. the one that hurts and makes the other cry, and gets begged to come back. i wonder how that feels. my dignity is in the floor, and all stepped over by him. i can't express how much i want to scream, and how much i would like to not give a fuck.
i am too good, too sweet, caring, and all that might sum up to being stupid. i've learned that pride is very well needed during these times. i'm working on me, and although i keep having downfalls, i'm gonna be a better stronger person, for that whenever he wants to come back, i can fuck him over.
