i feel uncomfortable. i don't feel good, yet i don't feel bad. i pretty much don't feel anything. 


i pray this changes. i promised myself i wouldn't go out anymore, or drink. i'm not an alcoholic, or enjoy drinking,
it all happens in the moment. i know how to control myself, but the people i have surrounded myself with are getting this image of me that just isn't true. they might think of me as an ordinary girl that parties and drinks herself to sleep or to the floor. that is not me...bottom line, is that i have not been myself lately. 


i wish to meet someone special, someone who i can carry a conversation with, someone who will make me laugh and feel confident with. it's so difficult. but for that same reason, i will stop searching and focus on me. it will all arrive in due time.  i want to dress nicely for a dinner, or date, and just feel an illusion.


i had a rough weekend, and unexpected and strange weekend. i had a car accident, from which i thank my lord jesus i am, fine, and my cousin as well. it was terrifying but i hope it all gets better. i can't afford this kind of tragedies. i have too many things to do, and such a busy schedule. people need to see that. 


i am a good girl, responsible, and simply good.