i write a farewell blog to 2011

today i write a farewell to the year of 2011. 
it was a fair year. it was good, and simply, just an other year of my life, from which of course,
i'm thankful of . i thank my lord Jesus Christ for all the people i encountered this year, for my family, and their health, i want to thank him, our savior, for my blessings, and for protecting me always in all decision making and in all the tribulations i've been through. 


this year was the end of a hurtful relationship, that although i wish it were still alive, i am thankful it no longer is.  his name is Eric.  he meant the world to me, he was my world. through him i thought i found strength and happiness, but i was very wrong. nevertheless, i now remember him fondly. he is my past, and i thank him for making me strong girl. i thank him for teaching me how to love, (or so i think) and for being my best friend. 
he is truly an amazing boy, but he just wasn't for me. God only knows what will come next.


this year i got a great job, which i still have. i was blessed with an amazing job, that will allow me to expand my skills, and open doors to other great opportunities. 


i broke a heart this year, and God knows it was unintentional. i admire him for his persistence, and for trying to win my heart.  i told him no one had ever treated me like he did, which is true. it just so happens that you cannot say what the heart desires, or should feel. i tried making things work, but the feeling was not mutual. he is an amazing guy, so great, and the sweetest i've known. i hate that i now feel he sees me with other eyes; eyes of spite, and repent. i bet he regrets doing all that stuff for me. i feel he regrets ever sending me flowers or buying me the sailor scout collection..i just think that if he really meant what he felt for me, he would understand that i cannot make heart fall for him, if my heart is yet not healed, and just not ready to love. i wish him the best, and although i did what i did to him, i pray we can someday be friends; a clean friendship... i hope he forgives me; for i did nothing. i was kind and was sincere from the beginning. besides, he knows, we couldn't be.  take care. 


this year i am also thankful for my sister's, mother's, and father's accomplishments. they did great all year long. my mom maintained her job as well as my dad. my sister has an amazing job, and has managed to take care of me more than the usual. thanks to their hard work, they managed to surprise me with a trip to Las Vegas! it was my birthday present, and boy, did i have a blast?!. i thank them for always trying to make and keep me happy. they've seen me struggle with anxiety and depression...and i am now pleased to say that this year, it faded away a little. anxiety is hard to get rid of, but i can now manage it, and guess what?..i'm no longer depressed, i'm slowly but surely going back to who i was in the beginning. i now sing more, dance more, go out more, paint and draw more too.  i try to keep friends, and most importantly, i try to stay in touch. 


there's is this particular person i like to stay in touch with, and i'm thankful that he came back to my life. he knows who he is. he knows he's my dream guy, but as sure as he is to not want any sort of relationship, so am i.  i had lost all contact with him, until facebook reunited us once again. he is a bit of a jerk, but i only say that because he doesn't like me, as i like him...he actually is a sweetheart, intellectual, and almost perfect. so thank you facebook!


i'm thankful that my grandmother is not as sick as she used to be from her cancer, and that my old friend jessica, is better too. we were best friends, but time grows within people...i hope she is doing great wherever she is. 
ultimately, i am thankful for everyone and everything. i pray to my Jesus everyday, to make each day a better day, and the following year an even better one. 


FAREWELL 2011

i feel uncomfortable. i don't feel good, yet i don't feel bad. i pretty much don't feel anything. 


i pray this changes. i promised myself i wouldn't go out anymore, or drink. i'm not an alcoholic, or enjoy drinking,
it all happens in the moment. i know how to control myself, but the people i have surrounded myself with are getting this image of me that just isn't true. they might think of me as an ordinary girl that parties and drinks herself to sleep or to the floor. that is not me...bottom line, is that i have not been myself lately. 


i wish to meet someone special, someone who i can carry a conversation with, someone who will make me laugh and feel confident with. it's so difficult. but for that same reason, i will stop searching and focus on me. it will all arrive in due time.  i want to dress nicely for a dinner, or date, and just feel an illusion.


i had a rough weekend, and unexpected and strange weekend. i had a car accident, from which i thank my lord jesus i am, fine, and my cousin as well. it was terrifying but i hope it all gets better. i can't afford this kind of tragedies. i have too many things to do, and such a busy schedule. people need to see that. 


i am a good girl, responsible, and simply good. 

irreplaceable; or so i thought.

i thought the day would never come. the day when he; the one i loved very much, would move on with another girl. he pretended he loved me for so long; never did much for me, and used me. i cared for him and gave him my all. for what? all he did was play and leave me. he was in my life for 4 years, including my high school years, we practically grew up together through hard times. we broke up, and he arrived 6 months ago and pleaded for me to take him back, idiotically, i did. i thought i could give it another try, maybe this time he would change. but 2 months later, he leaves me again, with no answers, nothing left, with an empty hole in my chest and a fucked up brain. he messed me up emotionally, and physically. he is a piece of shit, and although i want to hate him, i cant. it is so hard. that is what he deserves, but my kind heart that still loves him and cares for him very much cant allow that. all i can do is wish him good; for my Lord Jesus will handle the rest. 


the days go by slowly, and painfully. it is not healthy, and not fun. i 'm sad most of the days, and have no energy. my heart was broken into little pieces, i wish his was too. i wish i would have been the big one in the relationship, the one who does the bad ,and yet gets away with it. the one that hurts and makes the other cry, and gets  begged to come back. i wonder how that feels. my dignity is in the floor, and all stepped over by him. i can't express how much i want to scream, and how much i would like to not give a fuck.


i am too good, too sweet, caring, and all that might sum up to being stupid. i've learned that pride is very well needed during these times. i'm working on me, and although i keep having downfalls, i'm gonna be a better stronger person, for that whenever he wants to come back, i can fuck him over. 

speechless.

i haven't written here lately. i have nothing much to say. although yesterday i had a great night.


one of those nights where everything is so unexpected, and turns out wonderful. this boy that i know treated me like a queen. the way i've always wanted to be treated like. he knows who he is. he can sure make a girl happy. he sure made me happy. i have never been treated like that. my self esteem is beneath me. it is slow and i am working on getting up there again. i mentioned to him that i haven't been myself lately, and that i wish to be myself again.
 in order to love someone, i need to love myself first. i lost all dignity that day i cried and begged him to stay. i'm in recuperation. yet, although, i'm in the process of looking ahead, my heart still is broken, and has not healed.
only time can say when my heart will heal. although there is someone out there that can heal my wounds, as he states, i need to heal them first on my own. i need to be free in heart, mind, and soul.  but i am grateful for the opportunities god provides me. he provides me with hope.


i have been broken lately, but i promised to not let that happen again. i am really trying. for my family, and myself.

my sister and i are the bestest friends in the world. despite our 8 year age difference, we are so perfect for each other. if i could marry her and was a man, i would...no i kid, but yeah, she's that amazing. she always talk to me and will give the best advice. although i'm heart broken and sad and all that junk, she'll tell me upfront what i should do. she's that typical person that slaps you back to reality. without the slapping of course. only sometimes when she brusque..anyways, the point of the story or today's blog is that she always gives me this great sensation for a brighter day. today i felt sad in the morning...i had lunch with her as i do everyday, and we had a talk. she made me realize that i need to see what's already in front of me and be grateful what i do have not for what i do not have. i need to stop wondering, and questioning the occurred as well as complaining of what i do not have...

i have so many things. i  mention them everyday. my family is healthy, together, and well, i am good too. i will look for that peace. and i pray that my heart had its peace. 

in other news, my car is in the shop, i was given an estimate yesterday as to how much it will cost me to fix it, and gee, i was surprised!! $1,500..so much money. i need to keep looking. i get all lost and confused as to what to do. i need the help of a man. my daddy helps, but not too much; for he works always and is tired. ah, i well get through this and i wish all a wonderful weekend!!

another day..another thought.

other people have greater problems. why do i always find a way to feel miserable? i am good, my family is good. everything is good. the only thing hurting at this moment is my heart. it really hurts. i can't seem to move on. 
i guard my heart with a shield, i take care of it; for it  has been hurt. it is my temple, my home and i shall preserve it. i will soon move on, and i understand time heals all wounds. it is very hard to forget the past. and i'm not even sure if i have forgiven...i do forgive and i will do so, but in the meantime i must look ahead; which is what i have been doing lately. i am coming up with new ideas and inspirations, but at times i hurt so much that i have no energy to do anything but reminisce of the past, and the present, and what the future might hold. i'm afraid of staying alone for a long time, and i am afraid of no one ever finding me, and meeting the real me.  my ex boyfriend is the past, but why does he seem so present in my life? my mind needs to rest. all this time alone at work makes my head spin and perhaps a bit silly. that explains these silly thoughts. i hate thinking this stuff but i do realize it is the enemy making me think like this. my lord guides me; therefore, i shall not fear. they are just thoughts that come and go as the time does. the moment i am alone, i feel sad, but the moment i am doing something productive, i am fine.  i do not want to jump into any relationship now, but if it happens, the doors are open. 


this week i have a few outings. i hope to go to dinners and meet up with old friends. i hope all goes well. 




in other, better news: my aunt from san angelo,  texas arrives today. she will be visiting my family and my grampies for an entire week, which is great. tia lucy brings haley over (her daughter) who i love so much. she's an adorable little angel.  i'll post pictures soon.   
for now, all i pray to achieve for the day is a workout routine and well,
a joyful and peaceful evening. 


many blessing, krispi.

more & more....

i have become more and more energized. i thank mt lord so much. 


yesterday i felt sad, and a bit sick, so much that i had to leave work. my anxiety kicks in at random times and at time interferes with my life. i really wish it didn't, but well, it does. i am going to heal. time is all i need. and with all these kreations i have come inspired to do, i will be better, that's a done deal i have made with me, myself, and i. 


i forgot to mentioned that despite my weirdness as others may categorize me, i am a cool girl! i have been told that i am a chest full of surprises. i can sing opera, and anything actually. i may not be the most astonishing singer in the world, but i can too guarantee that i will amaze many with my voice. some have told me i have a voice similar to that of Fergie and Jesus. silly person that said that. but with that been said, the reason i mention it is because i decided that i will also put money aside to pay for vocal lessons, that is, to improve my already embellished voice, and also. before i forget to mention. as a singer, i am considered a musiciam: therefore, i can follow music with whatever provided harmony. i want to learn to play the guitar, and continue playing the piano, like i once did. oh and the harmonica like Bob Dylan did. (i recently bought one with instructions and stuff) anyways, that's all for now. 

krispi kreations.

ok so the name of my business will be "krispi kreations".cool huh? i had said krispi treats, but i don't wanna be sewed by the pop, snap, and crackle. i sold another 3 sets this morning and i really hope to sell more. i did the baggies and did a real cute logo which i place in the front of the bag.. i am proud of myself. i just need all the tools needed to make more stuff. ah! so many ideas.


i wanna use this blog for my small business, since i feel like an entrepreneur, but i will also write about my daily life and anything i encounter. i will have dinner with an old friend tonight and hopefully we can hit the bar and sing some tunes in karaoke night...let's see where the night takes us. oh by the way her name is jessica. nice girl. we've had drama but no big deal. 


i other news my emotions are still a wreck. i feel sad most of the time, but i thank my lord for the inspirations he's brought to me and the strengths he's given to move on forward without looking back. i think about it most of the time and wonder, and ask myself: "am i not normal? am i not good enough?..am i annoying? i mean, do i get to people's nerves?.. i don't know. i just want to not feel lonely, and rejected. its not like it matter what people think; for i can do anything with my lord who strengthens me, but at time its overbearing.




<3-krispi

ideas flourished..!!!

so far my ideas flourished. i had the energy needed to start on what i mentioned yesterday. i was so inspired that i went on investing to create beautiful pieces and accessories to sale. i think i did a nice job and hopefully others think so too. i sold my first set this morning to a kind co-worker. so that's for that. my sister and i keep coming up with wonderful ideas. now we want to do some shirts and i want to make some tote bags...oh so many dreams to accomplish. i mean these are small goals, i have my bigger ones at a near future like becoming a surgeon and what not, but that's another story. in regards to my business that's all for now.

the near future=brighter ideas

hi to all.
its been a good day so far. i cant wait to get out of work though. not because i don't like my job, but because i'm exhausted. my body aches so much. and its this depression i'm going through. i'll be okay, i don't want to alarm anyone. other than that, i look forward for a pleasant afternoon. 


i've been thinking that i want to do something else other than the small business i am running. i am a creative girl, well, i used to be very creative. now, not so much. but lets keep in mind, it's these feelings and emotions i have within me. i want to continue being myself, now that i realize i haven't been myself lately. i want to do jewelry, and start baking more. and maybe, just maybe, make some extra cash from it. i've got to use my imagination in large amounts and always use it, despite any situations.


the small business i have going on at the moment is a beauty service. i recently ordered business cards and i titled it "classy lady beauty service." nice huh? anyways, i hope that succeeds. i will be offering a beauty service on the go. you need a pedicure? i am there. you need makeup? i am there. and so on. i specialize in putting on false lashes and makeup. one does not require a license for this, but i am good, i can assure you. i have done it since i was a 13 year young gal.   


soo, that is a bit as to what i do and as to what i want to do in the near future. i hope all turns out good. i miss the old me; all craftsy and sweet. i will soon post pictures to show you folks how its going and how it is that i do my job. 

truth be told.

i haven't written here for a while.i dislike that about myself. i cannot stick to a certain thing or at least make an effort to do so. i haven't been well lately. i went to the doctor, all is well. but my anxiety/depression. thank my lord jesus christ, i got prescribed medicine and god willingly, i will heal of all this nonsense.


i hate heartbreaks. i've been heartbroken by the same person over and over for already 4 years. he came and left like the wind on a breezy autumn afternoon. he keeps doing that. only confusing me. i made up my mind to not look back, and i will keep it that way. i will not look back and will heal. i will be better and be happy with myself.  i want to start a routine in which i will lose weight, and keep my mind busy. i'm no object but a person with a pure heart and clean soul. and once i give all my best intentions and attentions to someone, i don't only expect that but i, too, just wish to be acknowledged and loved the way i love.


on other news. my phone broke this weekend. i have horrible luck with phones. and i want an iPhone?! pssh kristina please...haha 


god day to all...i might write later as well.

so i didn't write yesterday, so what? no, just kidding. i apologize for that. i should haven't but didn't. i was too lazy and a little sick. i had a runny nose, watery eyes, and my throat hurt so much. but all that is over, i hope. i will have the after noon off tomorrow;  for i have a dr's appointment to have a general check up and stuff. i hope all goes well. i haven't been to the doctor in the longest time. also, a bout that problem with my liver; i hope its better now. my back doesn't hurt as much or my tummy, but i just want to be safe and of course, god willing i will be fine. 


i did not write in the past days due to the way i was feeling. i've been a bit down and heartbroken. i am only 20 and i fight against myself all the time. i ask myself why i feel such way, but nothing is ever clear. i feel lonely, with no friends, and just depressed overall. i pray to my lord jesus christ to give me the strength to move forward. others have it tougher out there, why am i crying for?...i just want peace of mind and happiness. i am glad my family is healthy and do not lack of anything but time to spend together, other than that, we are happy. i pray for everyone. i pray that everyone's hearts are kind and humble and for everyone to be rational and try to be in everyone's shoes for once, at least to understand each other a bit better.


at times i feel like i am not normal. and at times (like the past days) i pray to be normal and ordinary. just that cool girl that fits in. i mean i'll try it once now and then, but i get bored. i can't help staying in a straight line amongst the rest. the point here is that i, just like everybody else wants to be happy and acknowledged. that's all. 


in other news i started my own little business. but more about that next time. thanks for reading. 
that's all for now folks. 
farewell for now.<3

monday...(sigh)

today is monday. work is okay, chill as always. i haven't been feeling good lately; physically and emotionally. i have a small kidney infection, and well i feel lonely at times, but like i said in the beginning of the blog,; i will not speak of anything sad or negative. 

i really dont have much to write about at the moment. 

the weekend was fun at some point, i made a few friends, socialized, and what not,

but yet something was incomplete. i will talk about it tomorrow; when my day goes better. 

its like when i asked god, "if this day could get any worse?"..it wasn't a rhetorical question..

farewell for now.

i'm one jump closer to the weekend.

ok, so i must confess that friday is my favorite day of the week, along with mondays! (no..i kid) i think of mondays fondly as disgusting. just the thought of having to got back to a schedule is dragging. after having a nice relaxed weekend monday creeps along like a creepy crawler. i love my weekends. they are restful, exciting and i always enjoy going out to town, dancing, socializing (all that good stuff), and especially spending wonderful quality time with my family. we tend to have family dinners or shop, if not, browse around. oh, speaking of...i admit i have a spending addiction. i can spend all my check in things i do not even remember buying, of course leaving aside the fact that i made useful and necessary payments already; needless to say, i am a responsible young lady, thank you!


anyways, the weekend is approaching i will have a good time, always with my lord jesus christ  who strengthens me. work was great today, not too much hard work to do...i've been trying to keep a healthy diet to lose a few lbs, which gives me a new goal. now instead of keeping up with this wonderful blog, i got to stay focused and lose ten pounds for now too. oh well...i'd like to stay and write about every second i live, but it is impossible, let's agree. many blessings to all, have a wonderful weekend!
farewell <3

this will have to be my first blog entry...

i am not much of a writer, but i do have many things to talk about when i come accross them.  

how rude of me, i did not introduce myself...

hi, my name is kristina. people may call me kristi, kris, but the most popular one is krispi. for some reason that somewhat cute nickname stuck. some people familiarize it with krispy kreme, or krispy chicken, and what not. anyways, i am a quiet, reserved, yet fun and bubbly girl. i am somewhat fun to be around of and can bring warmth to any heart; for i am the most loving, childish gal you'll ever meet. (well maybe one of them). despite all, i am a bundle of joy and a a chest full of surprises. i have been through bad and great times as all, and as all, i have been and still sorta am in the process of getting better, and still in search of happiness at abundance. i will try to write daily, except weekends. but will do so to at least have in written of the dramas i encounter, stressful situations, happy situations (mostly happy; don't worry i will not bring, negativity to this blog) and overall just things i see day by day in this silly life of mine. i have inhabited the earth's grounds for 20 years now, and i am pretty much all there. but as do all, so i've been told, i have so much to learn and so much growing up to do, although, truthfully, i'd rather not age, but oh well...thanks a lot mitosis, and time. stick around, i'm more than sure it will be a fun ride.

this will be the second...

and let's hope i keep doing it. 

so, today has been a relaxed day so far. i am at work from 8am to 5pm monday through friday. i enjoy my job, i actually love it. i have enough freedom to do pretty much anything, of course, as long as i finish my duties as well.

i prepared coffee in the morning for my bosses, and set up for what we call a mediation. i work at a law office, and well we host these mediation meeting every now and then. my duties are to be hospitable to clients and well just make them feel as comfortable as possible during theses meetings...although i was a few minutes late; for i underestimated the traffic, i pulled through with the help of my co-worker marivel; nice lady, i say. anyway...this is what i tend to do most of the days. i haven't been in this job too long, but i do hope to stay in for a while. i like the people i am surrounded by so far. thank my jesus. i thank him every day for my blessings, for my job, for my loving family, my health, and all of us. 

today i will be staying at my sisters apartment, which i am totally looking forward to. i made her a DVD concert of her favorite artist, and we have a dinner date planned out...it will be an interesting evening. we usually go to a local bar and tavern for karaoke night, but lately we haven't been so much in the singing-mode. maybe soon. this has been a good day, and i bet it will get much better!

that's all for now,  

farewell<3